Detachment deprives addicts of a convenient scapegoat when things go wrong.В Sometimes, when we solve problems and find solutions for our addicted loved ones, things go wrong.They donвЂ™t get to experience the satisfaction and build the self-esteem that come from knowing they did it on their own. The problem is, itвЂ™s our accomplishment, not theirs. Detachment allows addicts to experience the satisfaction that comes from personal accomplishment.В Sometimes, when we solve problems and find solutions for our addicted loved ones, things turn out well.When we detach with love, our addicted loved ones have the opportunity to look inside themselves to develop the resources they need to build satisfying lives. ThatвЂ™s because addiction limits their exposure to the kinds of experiences that promote emotional growth: preparing for a career, finding a job, forming meaningful relationships, developing a moral belief system, and becoming financially self-supporting. Detachment empowers the addict to behave like an adult.В Addicts tend to get stuck at the age they were when they started using.When we enable, we keep our loved ones perpetually dependent and immature. When we try to solve their problems and soften the pain that addiction is causing them, weвЂ™re preventing our addicted loved ones from taking a crucial step towards maturity: facing problems and learning from success and failure.

Enabling means doing for others what they could and should be doing for themselves.

Detachment saves addicts from the harmful effects of enabling.

To fully comprehend the negative effects that substances have on their lives, they have to suffer the consequences of their choices. Unfortunately, most of us have to learn through experience, which means facing the consequences of our choices.

Detachment allows addicts to face consequences of their choices.В WouldnвЂ™t it be great if we could learn important life lessons simply by being warned about negative consequences? If that were the case, weвЂ™d all make fewer mistakes and have fewer regrets to look back on.

All that stress gives addicts one more reason to use вЂ“ one more excuse for turning to substances to cope. In our efforts to rescue our loved ones from their self-destructive choices, we often resort to nagging, scolding, crying, threatening, shaming, or other damaging behaviors that create conflict and tension.

Detachment lets fresh air into your relationship.В If youвЂ™re involved with an addict, chances are your relationship has become unhealthy.

ItвЂ™s coming to understand that detaching with love is one of the best things we can do for our addicted loved ones. ItвЂ™s simply accepting the fact that we canвЂ™t live our loved onesвЂ™ lives for them. When weвЂ™re right there with them through those peaks and valleys, weвЂ™re not able to step back, regain our balance, and offer the kind of clear-sighted support that might make a difference.Дetachment is neither unloving nor unkind. But hereвЂ™s the problem: the longer weвЂ™re with them on the roller coaster of addiction, the less able we are to be helpful in any meaningful way. Especially if weвЂ™ve come to believe that our loved ones canвЂ™t get clean without us. It can definitely feel that way at first. Which is all well and good, you may think, but what about the addict? DonвЂ™t we have a duty to try to help? DoesnвЂ™t detachment seem a little bit вЂ“ selfish? A little bit like вЂ“ well, giving up? вЂњDetach with love,вЂќ weвЂ™re told, вЂњif you want to preserve your sanity.вЂќ Anyone whoвЂ™s ever attended a Twelve Step meeting knows that DETACHMENT looms large in the toolkit of suggestions for coping with an addicted loved one.

Food addicts anonymous necklace